YETI Report 2012

Upon examining and reexamining evidence of this year's Yeti droppings, and after conducting a through and complete analysis, including both pulmonary and olfactory tests, the following preliminary results are published here for your preview.

After reviewing and cataloging the various samples, and as a result of extensive testing and retesting during the Fire Test ©, the official results of the YETI Report is in. Please view the findings with the understanding that each reader is responsible for their own validation of the results. We implore that if you are conducting your own Fire Test © (and after making appropriate payment to the YETI Institute for this copyrighted research test), please follow the National Scientific Standards and basic fire safety regulations for ensuring valid results.

 

And the winner is...

AKH – The perfectly manicured dense & hard sample provided the most reliable + positive results. With the traditional scent of (horse) manure - but when you opened it up you knew it was good sh*t. As you cut into its inner core, the lab fills with an almost incense-strength fragrance, sticking to everything it comes in contact with. The results of the Fire Test © reveal a complex Hashy, yet non gagging, finish.  I would follow the Fire Test with an Um Um Um Um.

Appearance:	5
Fragrance:	5
Potency:	5
Taste:	5

 

In second...

MASTER – Lime Green sample with few hairs. Small solid rounded nugget with a citrusy like smell. The Fire Test © reveals a heavy Hashy smoke. This has remnants of “Mr. Nice,” last year’s winner. The magic begins when you let it out. Late cougher no matter how small the dosage. Nice-warm feeling after handling this sample. This sample comes in a close second.

 

Appearance:	4
Fragrance:	4
Potency:	5
Taste:	5

 

Third...

☺G – This sample sets the standards that maintains the high integrity. Average green color with average compactness with its fruity fragrance and its YUM YUM YUM taste. Fire Test © results: overall good going in- good coming out. The sample provided also contained a small amount of seeds that could prove invaluable in further research.

Appearance:	3
Fragrance:	4
Potency:	3
Taste:	4

 

and last, but not least...

Blue Dream – The sample provided was extremely shaggy which I believe may have affected the sample. After removing the undesirable contaminants – it did reveal a Blueberry aroma. The Fire Test © resulted in ‘hard to keep in, strong, cough at the end’ smoke. I recommend that you remove your contacts for this one because it is heavy on the eyes.

Appearance:	1
Fragrance:	2
Potency:	4
Taste:	2

 

This concludes the 2012 YETI Report. The original manuscript of this report is filed in the YETI Institute Archives.